


Broken

by Anonymous_Cupcake



Series: Whumptober (Eiji Edition) [10]
Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Eiji has a messed up background and some questionable coping mechanisms, Gen, I like experimenting with various "dark" Eijis, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, POV Okumura Eiji, Ties in a bit with prompt 16 but you don't need to read that to understand, Unreliable Narrator, Whumptober 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:15:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27113866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymous_Cupcake/pseuds/Anonymous_Cupcake
Summary: Prompt 12 (Broken Trust)Eiji's own coping skills turn against him.---So, he tells his tale, starting all the way from when he landed in America. That moment feels like a lifetime ago. Sasaki listens eagerly, interjecting only when clarification is required. Eiji realizes he's never told anyone the entire story before. It seems crazier when it's all linked together. Who would ever believe in such a crazy drug?Sasaki, who believes in such a crazy person like him."My, my." he says when Eiji finishes. "That sounds dreadful. It's no surprise you're here."
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji, Okumura Eiji & Original Character(s)
Series: Whumptober (Eiji Edition) [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1947514
Comments: 16
Kudos: 24





	Broken

**Author's Note:**

> Hhggg so out of order. Focusing on school atm so whump fics will be slow but hopefully it'll be worth it.
> 
> This was partially inspired by [Therapy with Dr. Albert Krueger](https://dino999z.itch.io/therapy-with-dr-albert-krueger) and I hope no one minds the 2nd POV, wanted to experiment with some visual novel feels.

You didn't think it would happen this soon. He always seemed to appear when you needed him most.

Sasaki Kenshin. Your unofficial, unpaid and possibly under qualified therapist.

Despite the name, he didn’t look Japanese. His hair was messy and his bangs were haphazardly cut and lopsided. You did admit the color was nice; dark blue, but could look purple with the right lighting. He never wore the same earring. This time, it was a pink butterfly.

He was sitting at his desk, like always. If there was one thing that kept you calm, it was routine. It was always the same time, same room, same shadows on the wall. It was absolutely perfect. Some might find it unnerving, but not you.

Sasaki glances up, the blue light from his computer illuminating his face. He smiles, a fond smile he reserves for his favorite patients.

"Okumura." he says. Last names are a formality at this point, but you indulge whenever he prefers to be professional.

"Hello, Sasaki."

"You've been making progress since the last time I saw you. Another relapse?" 

He always knew what was wrong.

"Yeah, it’s been pretty bad for a while now."

You take a seat in the chair in front of him. Your back hits something soft when you lean back. Turning around, you see your favorite pillow staring back. You smile and grab it, holding it close to your chest.

"Still your favorite, I see." Sasaki notes. He plays dumb every now and then, but you know he doesn’t forget anything. A familiar and quirky tune plays from seemingly out of nowhere.

"And your music taste is still the same." You tease back, settling into the comfortable routine you missed.

Sasaki shuts his computer off, his attention now fully on you. This was your moment, your turn to shine. You're not entirely sure where to start. He always said to start at the beginning when unsure.

So, you tell your tale, starting all the way from when you landed in America. That moment feels like a lifetime ago. Sasaki listens eagerly, interjecting only when clarification is required. You realize you've never told anyone the entire story before. It seems crazier when it's all linked together. Who would ever believe in such a crazy drug?

Sasaki, who believes in such a crazy person like you.

"My, my." he says when you finish. "That sounds dreadful. It's no surprise you're here." Before he can continue, his eyes widen almost comically, like he's forgotten the cure for cancer.

"I never asked, would you like some tea?"

You don't realize you're thirsty until he asks. You nod, and Sasaki leaves the room to make some. He trusts you not to snoop so you stay in your seat, arms still wrapped around your pillow. You kick your legs a little as you think about your sister back home. You wonder if she's doing alright. If you could call her, you would.

You focus on the shelf next to Sasaki's desk. There's a small red stain on the spine of one of the books. It doesn't look recent. Maybe it's just your imagination. Everyone tells you you're too imaginative but Sasaki always trusts your word. Actually…

Upon closer inspection (which is you leaning forward as much as you can without getting up), you recognize the book; Hemingway, you think. Maybe that's the book Ash is always talking about. A part of you wants to get up and see, but Sasaki doesn't like it when you wander, even if it's to move to the other end of the room.

You trust your therapist. He's more trustworthy than any man you've met in your life, besides Ibe-san. And Shorter. And Ash.

Actually, there's a lot of trustworthy people in your life now. Guess that's a sign of progress.

As you congratulate yourself on this achievement, Sasaki returns with a cup of tea. You smile and take a small sip before adjusting the pillow on your lap so the cup rests on top of it. When Sasaki walks back to his desk, he frowns at his shelf. He picks up the book you noticed earlier, examining the stain.

"Oh dear, how did I not notice this?" he scratches the stain to see if it would flake off. It doesn't. He puts the book on his desk. The spine says _He's Lying_. Obviously, the spine doesn't know what it's talking about.

"While I was making you tea, I couldn't help but think about a story you told me. I'm not sure if you remember it." Sasaki mentions. You try to remember the various stories you've told. You can't recall most of them, but others remember them for you. You shrug when nothing comes to mind.

Sasaki smiles patiently. "Let me see if this will jog your memory. You told me the story right after your first night in the apartment."

The mention of the apartment brings back too many memories. Among the horror, the story Sasaki is talking about comes to mind.

"That was the story about AJ?" You phrase it like a question, but since Sasaki keeps smiling, you assume you're right.

AJ…

Hair as bright as the sun and eyes filled with forests of wonder.

That was your description of him. You repeat it, and it feels like a piece of your soul was rediscovered.

"While you talked about your American friends, I couldn't help but notice the similarities between AJ and Ash." Sasaki's smile disappears slightly. "Now, I know you were in your mid teens when you first created AJ, but I can't help but wonder if the similarities are why you're so drawn to Ash."

You haven't thought of it like that. But, you're not that crazy that you think AJ and Ash are the same. AJ was based off of the cover of something you never should've seen at your age—

You think you stopped breathing. It was no secret what Ash had to do for a living. There's no way it could've been _him_.

You're hyperventilating. Sasaki gets out of his seat, and he puts the cup onto the table before it falls to the ground. He kneels down and takes your hand. You can barely hear him say the steps to the technique he taught you years ago.

5\. The computer, the book on the table, the painting on the wall, your cup.

4\. Sasaki's hand, the pillow on your lap, the chair you're sitting in, the pain in your leg.

3\. The music, your heartbeat, the creak of the floor as Sasaki shifts around.

2\. The smell of old books coming from the shelf, Sasaki's cologne.

1\. The tea you drank earlier.

Your breathing evens out. Sasaki watches you and his eyes soften. "You figured it out, haven't you?"

You can't find your voice, so you nod. Content with your answer, Sasaki goes back to his seat. When he sits down, you find your voice.

"AJ and Ash are the same." It makes sense, yet the knowledge leaves a bad taste in your mouth. You clutch the pillow in your lap tighter, like it'll take away the pain.

The time… what's the time…?

There's no clocks to indicate what time it is. You glance out the windows, but it's the same as it was when you first arrived.

Something's wrong.

Sasaki watches you examine the room, confusion evident on your face. You shiver as his gaze focuses on you. It's not the not the same as before. It's different. It's not him.

The walls are screaming. The spines on the books speak a truth you don't want to hear. Sasaki stares at you, and his smile isn't comforting.

"What was it that AJ had told you to do?" he asks. You don't want to answer. You're glued to your seat. You can't get up. You can't run.

"Maybe I need to remind you. After you washed the blood off your skin, what did AJ tell you to do?"

It was your seventeenth birthday. Seventeenth? Or was it eighteenth? No, it was your sixteenth… It was high school. You blocked the hole in the wall with a nightstand but you knew it wouldn't be enough. You slept with a knife under your pillow, ear pressed against the wall as you listened for Him. The horrible creaking sound as He pushed your shield away is engraved into your mind. AJ, who had been gentle and sweet up to that point, was screaming for you to use the knife.

Just like now, you couldn't move. You pulled the covers over your head like a child dealing with the monster under their bed. But those monsters aren't real. This one was.

AJ kept screaming. He hated Him more than you. You were thrown out of your bed, the knife still in your hand. AJ said it was like you wanted it to happen.

You proved him wrong.

AJ said to grab the lighter from the drawer. You crawled through the hole and into the disgusting room. You grabbed all the books and videos He kept in His "collection" and burned them. No one knew it was you. You ran out and went to crash with a friend. The fire spread to your apartment but you didn't have anything of importance. 

"Why does this matter?" You whisper. Sasaki waves his hand dismissively, ignoring your question.

"How do you think Ash will react?"

"I'm not telling him."

"I didn't say you would tell him. I'm asking you how he'll react. Do you really think he'll love you after this? Never mind that— do you really think he loves you?"

You don't know where this came from. You want to go home.

"Be honest with yourself!" Sasaki yells. "You're just some morality pet to him. Some precious little bunny rabbit he can look at and know it will tell him he's a good person."

"That's not true!"

"Says who?" Sasaki laughs. This isn't right. This isn't right but how do you know it's not right?

"Look at you. Even your own mind is betraying you. Did you really forget where you are?" Sasaki continues. The wallpaper is peeling off and the books are tattered and worn. The windows shatter as Sasaki's smile stretches in a way that's not natural.

It's not right. You're not right. You don't want this. It's not true, right?

"Please stop…"

Sasaki slams his hands on the table again, so hard that the book flies off. You clutch your pillow like a lifeline as the sound makes you flinch. "Then why don't you do something about it? That's what you're supposed to do when you're past your breaking point, right? You scream, you cry, you beg, you do everything except fight until someone's screaming at you to do it."

The walls whisper your weaknesses and fears. You hate it. You hate it here. Why did you come back? Is here truly better than back there?

"This isn't real." You manage to say. 

Sasaki snorts. "Yeah, no shit. So messed up you gotta make up a fake therapy room. Tell me, do you even remember your old therapist?"

You can't answer that. Sasaki huffs.

"Wake up, Eiji."

As his eyes bleed out and it feels like your voice box is being ripped out of your throat, you snap out of your trance with a jolt as a door slams shut. You're not… There, wherever there was. You're back in the apartment with Ash, clutching a fancy apartment pillow so hard it's forever oddly bent. You get up from your spot on the couch and notice a small indent from where you were sitting. Whoops. You put the pillow over it.

There's a small cup of tea on the end table. You grab the cold drink and go to the kitchen to throw it out.

" _Okaeri_." You tell Ash as you throw the tea down the drain and put the cup in the sink. You can wash it later. You walk back to the living room to see Ash already sitting down.

"Hey," he responds, unfamiliar with the word you just said. "You had a good day?"

You shrug and hope he doesn't ask for an explanation. He doesn't.

Even now, you can feel the books on the shelves taunting you. They've seen everything. Ash doesn't notice your tension, just frowns as he stares at his phone. You know better than to ask what's wrong.

"I'm going to bed." You announce, ignoring the pain in your stomach from not eating dinner. You hope Ash ate fast food or something else so he doesn't ask why you haven't made anything.

He makes a noncommittal hum before replying with "Goodnight."

You mutter _oyasumi_ and head to the bedroom. You're not entirely sure you can sleep after that fiasco with Sasaki, but you might as well try. For someone that's not real, his words still stick with you.

So messed up you gotta make up a fake _therapy room. Tell me, do you even remember your old therapist?_

Truth be told, you don't. The Sasaki in your memories was eccentric. He told you to call him Kenshin. You never did. You've desecrated his memory with this weird coping mechanism. Can you even call this coping? It seems like it's causing more harm than good.

But Ash isn't questioning anything, which is what you wanted. So that means this is good. Right, you got this. You quickly change into pajamas and you check the walls before turning off the lights to make sure there aren't any cracks. You can hear Ash shuffling around outside, doing his best to be quiet.

You smile and close your eyes. " _Oyasumi_." You tell yourself, and you're blessed with dreams of nothing.

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the I Should Probably Be Sleeping Club, how Should Probably Be Sleeping are ya?
> 
> (Also hope everyone enjoyed Sasaki! I hope to include in some other whump fics as well if I can)


End file.
